All right, I think that if anyone told me to prepare myself for reverse culture shock upon returning to the great state of Texas after a year on the road in the most not-southern states, I think that I would have laughed and rolled my eyes.

And then a year later, I would have kicked myself in the ass for being such a disrespectful, ungrateful little infant and not taking that wise advice seriously. Not that I kick infants, nor do I think they are disrespectful or ungrateful. Actually, I believe the latter part to be true.

I love infants.

But hometown culture shock is real, y’all. Especially after a year on the road. Especially when your home state is Texas.

I would advise any Texans returning to the lone star state after a year away to NOT, within just a few days of returning, find the most backwoods, republican, busy with cowboys and their families, country music playin’, southern diner in the country to have breakfast.

Nothing against backwoods, republican, busy with cowboys and country music southern diners but, when unprepared, it WILL freak the hell out of you.

You are welcome.